The Unusual Way of Coping Up with a Breakup
2:00 PM
My heart was broken quite a couple of times by guys who I trusted and loved entirely. You see, I'm the kind of woman who falls in love easily... at least before. I easily fall for guys who can make me laugh, or those who are sweet and caring. And when I love truly, I give almost my all to an extent that I don't have anything left for myself. I even almost lost myself from my last relationship.
I loved him so much that I didn't know what to do with myself and with my life when he left me. I may have said the same with the guys before him but his was painful and real. I confirmed that I did truly love him; that's when I also understood what real love is and what serious relationships are.
Letting go and moving on sounds easy but it was not! I had to buy different books, read different online articles on how to cope up with break ups but none of them worked for me. Instead of pulling myself up, I felt I was drowning myself even more with loneliness and heartache. So I did what I think was best for me. I followed what my mind told me to do and here's my unusual way of coping up with my last breakup:
1) Bitchy Stalker
I loved him so much that I didn't know what to do with myself and with my life when he left me. I may have said the same with the guys before him but his was painful and real. I confirmed that I did truly love him; that's when I also understood what real love is and what serious relationships are.
Letting go and moving on sounds easy but it was not! I had to buy different books, read different online articles on how to cope up with break ups but none of them worked for me. Instead of pulling myself up, I felt I was drowning myself even more with loneliness and heartache. So I did what I think was best for me. I followed what my mind told me to do and here's my unusual way of coping up with my last breakup:
1) Bitchy Stalker
I stalked my ex and his new girlfriend. Created an account, use it to befriend the new girlfriend's circle of friends or school mates so the account would appear to be a fellow schoolmate so I can easily add them. While I go through their posts, I was trash talking in front of my computer. I was saying how bad she looked like, how baduy her outfits were, how fat she was, how jejemon she is, and most of the time, how they don’t look good together.
2) Conscious Liar
I was consciously lying to myself and to my friends whenever they ask if I’m okay. I denied stalking and I lie saying I don’t mind anymore when the truth is, I spent almost my entire night just going through their posts, hoping to see a break-up quote or status.
I was also consciously lying to our mutual friends that I was already happy and was entertaining someone else when in fact, the person whose body, hand or shoulder I used for the photos were just body parts of a good friend of mine.
3) Self Torture
I was also consciously lying to our mutual friends that I was already happy and was entertaining someone else when in fact, the person whose body, hand or shoulder I used for the photos were just body parts of a good friend of mine.
3) Self Torture
Instead of deleting and throwing away our memories (pictures, letters, gifts, etc), I displayed it in my room. First, I read our sweet and happy messages then to the breakup SMS. I read it probably twice or thrice a day. I even printed out the screen shots of some of our conversation and some of their (ex and his gf’s) photos together so I can also display it along ours. I wanted to see it every day. I wanted to cry until nothing was left. I wanted to feel the pain until there’s no pain left to endure.
4) Desperate Ex-girlfriend
I went running after him. When I knew the girl was cheating on him, I emailed him the pictures I gathered. I did everything to communicate with him… to ask him… to beg him to come to me instead. I told him how better I was and how his life would be better with me. I was literally begging him to come back so we can work our relationship. If only he was near me, I would have flown to their home to kneel and beg him. I even asked his friends to help me win him back.
5) Completely Bitter
I was completely bitter to anyone related to him. I deleted and blocked most of them. I ignored them when we see each other in town. When people ask me about them or just hear their name, I act like I have amnesia. I quickly raise my eyebrows whenever I see something that reminds me of us or him alone. I literally say “pweh!” whenever I hear his or his girlfriend’s name.
If you notice, these are the things most people would tell you NOT to do. Your friends would usually tell you to preoccupy your mind with better and happy things. They would usually suggest you to travel, read a book, get a haircut, learn something new or even attend events to meet new people. Some even reminds you to never run after him, never lower yourself, never show bitterness and never talk to the new girl or your ex. But I realized that what works for some may not work me so I tried the opposite.
I became desperate, bitter and bitchy. I allowed myself to drown and die for a while until my dead body would resurface again. I was hurting myself until I became numb. Then I got tired… of too much crying… of too much stalking… of too much bitching. I felt so stupid and lonely, weird it may sound, I realized my actual worth. I realized I needed to pick myself up and be a better person this time. It came to my senses that if I can inflict pain to myself, I can also bring myself the happiness I long deserved.
Throughout the pain my ex gave me and the additional torture I put to myself, I was able to think and see clearly. I was able to refresh my mind and start my life over again. I dragged myself so low that I learned I don’t belong there. I got up, embraced reality and move forward with my life.
You see, we know ourselves better than anyone else; we just don’t realize it. We should know how to handle ourselves in times of despair or trouble. Sometimes, the best decisions aren’t the correct ones. Because we sometimes need to go through the difficult or wrong side of things in order for us to clearly see what’s right.
No matter which method you use, what’s important is you understand the possible consequences of your decision. You understand that whichever way you choose to cope up, you’re strong enough to endure the pain. And most importantly, you understand your limitations. You can choose to be miserable but know when to stop. You can also choose to be happy but don’t forget to acknowledge the pain. Because I learned that no matter how much we try to hide the pain we feel, it will always come back to haunt us.
And the best thing I think I learned from all this was that I didn’t need someone to make me feel special because I can do it myself. I don’t need a man to make me feel special now only to make me feel worthless after. I’m not saying we don’t need a man in our lives; what I’m saying is we should not depend on them for happiness. For happiness is a choice and it’s a choice we often fail to notice.
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