I am now making a new blog post which is a survey-like post wherein I will ask individuals on what's their advice for the people who are suffering from heartbreak or depression. Below is an answer that I got from a friend. (I will upload the rest of the list of short advices in a different post soon.)
Advice? It really doesn’t matter. What matters is that how you would handle the situation alone. Advices don’t matter if you don’t take it by the heart because in the end, it’s always up to you. But, if you really want to hear it from me, here are some of the things that I could say about heart breaks and coping up.
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| Photo courtesy of Google; edited by yours truly. |
I’ve been in a long running relationship before and when I say long running, it’s an 11 year relationship. Relationship that is going for the better, that’s what I thought. To cut to the chase, it ended pretty bad. He cheated again, the girl throwing punches at me and me just standing there thinking, what the hell is happening. See? How can I cope up with that? How would you handle that situation?
We have different perspective on how to handle these kinds of situation. What is right for me would be wrong for you and vice versa. But, in the end, we all wanted to love and be loved in return. Life, love, feelings and emotions, they don’t play fair. That is the game we all play. We gamble with life and love. We invest feelings and emotions and in the end, one of you will hurt so much that they feel like the world is crumbling. You are melting away.
Here’s my own perspective, my own way of coping up and I do hope it could help you, yes you! The one who is reading.
1. Cry
Yes! Let it all out. It hurts, it really hurts. Don’t bottle it inside of you. You’ll lose your brain from overthinking. Crying is a natural body reaction. You cry because you are hurt. After that, you feel lighter. The pain is still there but you feel better than before. I know it will not take the pain away but atleast you were able to make your excess baggage a little bit lighter by letting it all out.
2. Pamper and love yourself (Justin Bieber?)
After giving so much of my time on him. Investing everything on our relationship, I completely lost myself in the process. I was not able to give time for myself, my family and even my friends. I was so consumed with spending time with him that everything I do should include him. Now that he’s gone and I have these overflowing love and time, I’m trying to focus those on myself.
Do the things you were not able to do during your time with him or get back to some of the activities you wanted to try but never did. This is the time to challenge yourself. You can travel by yourself (that’s what I’m about to do) meet new friends while on the road because they share the best stories you will hear. Try a new sport. Exercise (balik alindog project in your face!) Read a book. Find your own “thinking place” Just try!
Try everything you wanted to do just as long as you are not hurting yourself or others in the process. Motivate yourself. You can do it! Trying new things on your own gives you the gratification of excess happiness and memories. This also helps you realize you can do things without him and it feels really good!
3. Surround yourself with people that cares and loves you
Family and friends. They are a great support group. Nothing beats their presence during your lowest of lows. I was hesitating to tell my parents we broke up because I was hoping we could get back. But when I had the courage to tell them, I told them everything. 11 years was not easy. It was scary but at the same time it felt good.
They will tell you the truth and when I say the “truth”, it’s the harsh reality that you need to know. They will be the ones that will not let you send or make drunk calls and texts to your ex. They are the ones who are telling you the things that they see from the bigger picture because as I mentioned, it’s all about perspective. It’s a different perspective between you too and their own perspective. They will be the ones who would go through hell with you and try to understand your drama moments and still stick up for you even if you are an annoying bitch.
In my case, they still put up with my crazy high energy levels to my lowest of low zoning out kind of thing. Love your family. Love your friends! Invest your overflowing love and happiness with them. Not because you don’t know what to do with it because you previously spend everything of those with your ex, it’s because there are still people out there who loves you unconditionally and they deserve your love and attention.
4. Step out of your comfort zone
You were so used to your routine with him that when you guys broke up, you stayed that way. Well my mate, it’s your time to clean the slate. Re-evaluate your life choices and build your own dreams for yourself. I’m in the process of re-evaluating the things I really want to do for my future. I’m in a dead beat job right now. Lost in my own thoughts. Frequent panic attacks and now, I’m trying to stand firm on my plans. Hoping the universe will conspire with life to grant my plans. I’m about to leave my current job, travel and soul search and in that way I might clearly plan for my future.
Say yes to every opportunity that comes your way. Taking chances are better than “what ifs” and “should’ves”. Step out of your comfort zone. There’s so much more out of it. Just like what our dear friend Thomas Edison said, If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves. He’s right you know because, if you always do what you always did or what you are comfortable of, you’ll always get what you always got. Go out and see the world.
5. Rebounds? A no-no or hell yes?
I’m still on the process of understanding this part. Everything is new to me. I feel like a noob on this part. It’s all about perspective. Just remember nothing good comes out if you are rushing onto things. But if you want to, just keep in mind don’t get yourself burned by playing with fire. I mean it. It’s a big no-no for me now that I have realized. It’s one of the cheap thrills of life.
Why do people go after this? It’s an attempt to avoid the pain of the breakup. It’s an attempt to feel the same way you were feeling while you were in a relationship with your ex. No matter what happens, you are still hurting and you are also hurting the rebound guy/girl in the process. That’s sick. Don’t be a sadist and masochist. The right person for you will come, so don’t rush!
6. Appreciate the little things and be kind
You won’t believe this but, you can find true happiness with the little things in life. Small kind gestures from people are enough to make your day right. Happiness is the key. There’s no happiness without kindness. To me, kindness is empathy mixed with love. You must love yourself and love life even the little things that it can offer.
To be nice, generous, understanding and patient, all those qualities require kindness. We shouldn’t underestimate the power of kind words and gestures. Be thankful and be happy! These are some of the things that I’m currently doing right now while on the process of moving forward. It really helps me a lot. Confusing at times but these are the things that keep me going.
Life and love was never fair. They will always give you lemons and it is still your choice if you are going to make a lemonade or a lemon meringue pie out of it and if you do, take a big freaking bite out of it and throw your fist up in the air like Bender from The Breakfast Club and say I CAN! Never give up on life. Never give up on yourself!
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Do you have any other tips on how to deal with heartbreak? Share it with us! Perhaps, be my guest blogger! Click here for details.
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Remember to Dream, Sparkle, and Shine!
